"Can I buy you a drink?"

2011-03-31T02:29:00.000-07:00

I met one of my very best and closest friends a few months ago when I was out clubbing one night.

I think it’s fair enough to say that he was hitting on me; he bought me a few drinks, we chatted , danced, and by the end of the night he had saved his number in my phone.

I knew I’d found someone special that night, and now a few months on he’s my best friend.

Now maybe it’s because of that experience that ,even now I am engaged, I don’t see any problem with a guy buying me a drink in a bar. Although my boyfriend didn’t like it at the time, since we’ve been engaged he insists that I don’t accept drinks from guys anymore when I go out clubbing.

The thing is this; the relationship with one of my best friends started with a drink at the bar. A drink at the bar doesn’t have to go anywhere that it shouldn’t.

I feel I’d be missing out on two things here; firstly a free drink, and second and more importantly potentially a new friendship.

Accepting a drink from a male who’s shown an interest in you isn’t a crime is it? Rejecting it is almost like rejecting a compliment isn’t it? An engaged or even married woman shouldn’t be expected to do that should she? Especially not in this day and age!

Is that really so crazy, so radical? Am I really being so outrageous here?

Perhaps I’m being naïve, but I really can’t see why this has to be such a big issue.

Some things I can let go of, but on this one I’m finding it really hard to back down.

As far as I’m concerned there is nothing good to come out of rejecting a drink. Nothing to gain, and everything to loose.

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand why my fiancé doesn’t like the idea of other guys buying me drinks, just the way I wouldn’t like the idea of him buying other girls drinks when he went out, but it’s all about intentions; mine are purely innocent, and if I was in the aforementioned situation with my fiancé and he assured me he never intended anything to come of it, then, although I might not like it, I wouldn’t feel like I had any right telling him not to do it.

Besides, to be honest, in my experience at least, if a guy’s going to hit on you he’s going to hit on you. If he’s really that interested then saying no to a drink won’t really deter him. Hell, I’ve flashed the engagement ring before- makes no difference to some guys. Sometimes it has to be a cold, hard “No I‘m not interested”, drink or no drink.

So why not just have the drink? Why not sit and chat for a while? Give the guy the time of day.

What have you got to loose?

You could meet someone amazing.

You could meet your best friend.

I did.

Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen

2011-03-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

See, here’s the dilemma.

I’m in the classic ‘I’ll call you’ (never calls) guy situation.

Except the guy is my fiancé. Well, I’m sorry to say that in my situation all the clichés ring true.

The old ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’ philosophy seems particularly apt. I hate to say it but I think a lot (and note not all, just a lot) of men just want it because they can’t have it.

It’s the struggle that’s the thrill. The ‘chase‘. And yes, fine, being alluring and mysterious is all well and good to start off with…but when he’s got down on one knee surely all that can be a thing of a past?

The sad thing is, I think I’m starting to see how a marriage can become stale…and I haven’t even got up the bloomin’ isle yet, because the truth is this…you have to be what you were at the beginning…the challenge, the trophy at the end of the fight, the forbidden fruit… to keep that passion alive.

He treats me like a princess when he hasn’t seen me in a little while longer than normal, he’s more eager to talk to me when it’s been harder for him to get hold of me, and he gives me more attention when I give him the casual disinterest or the ‘I’m busy, I’ve got other things on my mind’ treatment for a few days.

Dressing up sexy amounts to nothing unless he has to work for it.

And that seems to be the key.

Making him work for it.

And it can be hard work, almost painful, on both sides sometimes.

Hell it’s got me into some pretty damn serious arguments before.

But is it worth it?

Hell yeah.

Every single time.

Because the harder he has to work, the more its worth to him.

The mysterious girl is more interesting and it’s so easy to be her. It feels good being her when you remember who she is; busy and active and in a strange way super flirty, super sexy. I won’t deny it, it’s hard work to start off with, but once you‘ve got it, by God its amazing, liberating even.

As for the guy who hasn’t called? Well that’s fine. But when he does decide to pick up the phone I might be out ;)

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"Can I buy you a drink?"

Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen